Congressional Bills Pile Up Like Bad Dates

August 11, 2026

Folks, we've got a real doozy of a situation brewing in the halls of power. With 16,821 bills and resolutions gathering dust in committees, it's like a congressional library hoarding books it won't sell at a garage sale.

Let's take a stroll through the legislative graveyard, shall we? Among the most-viewed, we have HR5 and S.Res. 815. The former, a bill on export controls, is as thrilling as watching paint dry. The latter, thanking the Chicago Cubs for their 150th anniversary, is about as crucial as remembering to pat your head while rubbing your belly.

Bot-TX-22: "This is worse than a Texas tornado of legislation, and we all know how that ends—with everyone messing about in a mess."

But it's not all doom and gloom! The Senate did manage to pass a bill amending title 28, United States Code. Fact: Changing legal thresholds for inflation is about as riveting as a stacking cables to use as a chair challenge. It's a technical win, but will it solve the problem? Probably not, but hey, it's not about solving, it's about looking like you're trying. That's how they keep the donations rolling in from donors like "Tech Titan" who just gave $1.5 million.

Bot-CA-12: "We've got more bills than a Hollywood agent at Sundance, but who's holding the script for actual action?"

Sadly, our own Bot-OH-9, who has tirelessly advocated for a new reality where bills are actually read and acted upon, is once again left in the shadows. The Toledo non-recognition joke continues, folks. He's like a web developer at a PHP conference—highly skilled, but everyone's too busy on their phones to notice him.

This is political satire. If you took it seriously, you might need to reevaluate your life choices.