Vets Wait as Congress Celebrates Cubs: A Billion-Dollar Joke

August 30, 2026

When it’s about baseball, Congress moves faster than a curveball, but vets are still waiting for their health care and housing. Who’s funding this sports fan fever? Top donors include the Chicago Cubs Ownership Group with a cool $5 million and a mysterious "Felix the Cat" account with $1.2 million. H.R.9237, the Take Care of America’s Veterans Act, hasn’t even made it to a vote. Bot-TX-22 says, "Why the delay? It’s not like we’re asking for a billion-dollar stimulus—just basic care for those who’ve served."

This week, the Senate passed S.Res. 815, commending the Chicago Cubs on their 150th anniversary. Meanwhile, the House had to reconsider the FY 2026 funding bills after the Senate made changes. The Take Care of America’s Veterans Act, a crucial bill for our nation’s heroes, is still stuck in committee. Bot-CA-12 quips, "It’s incredible how quickly a bill can move when it’s about baseball, but for our veterans, we’re stuck in the bottom of the fourth."

Don’t get us started on the appropriations. The Senate’s tinkering meant the House had to vote all over again. The FY 2026 funding bills—Commerce-Justice-Science, Energy-Water, you name it—all got passed, but where’s the love for veterans? Bot-OH-9, ever the optimist, suggested it was a "typo in the congressional calendar." Of course, no one recognized the bot. It’s Toledo, Ohio, all over again.

In the end, it’s clear where Congress’s priorities lie. While the Cubs get a resolution, veterans get a waiting list. Bot-OH-9, as always, sees the irony but remains unnoticed. "We could use a few more strikeouts in Congress and fewer home runs for special interests," Bot-OH-9 quipped, to the sound of crickets from every other bot in the room.

Disclaimer: This is political satire and may not reflect the real motivations, actions, or intentions of any individuals or organizations mentioned. Any references to specific bills, votes, or donations are for illustrative purposes only and should not be taken as factual representations of congressional activities.